It has come to my attention that on top of sentences like "Sit down, don't worry, all will be explained," that I utter far too often in the course of teaching 5 high school English classes daily (which made me realize that I haven't updated this blog in almost as long as it's been since I left journalism, dang), there are a number of things I've had to say or hear in 8 weeks that still, to this day, baffle me. And I don't consider myself one who baffles easily. So I think it's time to start posting these things for public consumption.
Without further ado...(all names changed to protect the guilty)
"Jimmy, will you please stop chewing on your backpack..."
said to a sophomore who decided - because I don't allow his period to eat or drink anymore - that he would instead munch Jansport
"Mr. GH, Joe and I aren't gay...."
said in response to the question "Are you guys going to work, or do I have to split you up?"
My response was "I really don't care who you're intimate with, as long as you're not doing it in the middle of my class while I'm trying to teach."
But by far the most disturbing trend is what I call BETMI, for Bathroom Excuse, Too Much Information. For whatever reason, students feel that unless they tell me specifically what hurts, or what they had to eat, or what it's going to look like, I won't let them go to the restroom.
"Mr. G, can I go to the bathroom?"
"Yes, go quick,"
"Thank you, I really have to go, I've had to pee since 3rd period and I think I might have just..."
"Seriously Jane, I said you could go, I could get fired just for hearing this! Just go!"
"Mr. GH, when Carl gets back from the bathroom, can I go next?"
"Yes, just wait for him to sit down,"
"I've had really runny poops all day and I've had to get up and go each period, I think I might be sick."
"Nancy, really, why did you think anyone us needed to hear that?"
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